in the city of Larissa. This young man was publicly accused of having murdered three men, though they were no more than wineskins, hanging outside a -shop, which he had slashed at in the dark, mistaking them for robbers. But this Larissan trial had taken place on the annual festival of Laughter, which gave some point to the proceedings, and the young man was a drunkard and much too ready with his sword and perhaps deserved lesson. But he, Cremutius Cordus, was too old and too sober to be made a fool of in this way, and this was no festival of Laughter but, on the contrary, the four hundred and seventy-sixth anniversary of the solemn promulgation of the Laws of the Twelve Tables, that glorious monument to the legislative genius and the moral rectitude of our forefathers. He went home and starved himself to death. All copies of his book were called in and burned except for two or three which his daughter hid away somewhere and republished many years later when Tiberius was dead. It was not very good writing; it got more fame than it really deserved.
I had been all this time saying to myself, "Claudius, you're a poor fellow and not much use in this world, and you have led a pretty miserable life with one thing and another, but at least your life is safe." So when old Cremutius whom I knew very well-we had often met and chatted in the Library-lost his life on a charge like this it was a great shock to me. I felt like a man living on the slopes of a volcano when it suddenly throws up a warning shower of ash and red hot stones. I had written far more treasonable things in my time than Cremutius, My history of Augustus's religious reforms contained several phrases that could easily be made the subject of an <a href="http://www.sunglassbranded.com/oakley-sunglasses-oakley-scalpel-sunglasses-c-18_45.html">cheap oakley scalpel sunglasses</a> accusation. And though my estate was so small that it would hardly be worth an accuser's while to impeach me for the sake of a fourth share, I realized well enough that all the recent victims of treason-trials were friends of Agrippina, whom I continued to visit whenever I went to Rome. I was not at all sure how far my being a brother-in-law of Sejanus would be sufficient protection to me.
Yes, I had lately become Sejanus's brother-in-law, and now I shall tell how it came about.
Chapter 23
ONE DAY SEJANUS HAD TOLD ME THAT I OUGHT TO MARRY again, as I did not seem to get on well with my wife. I said that Urgulanilla had been the choice of my grandmother Livia and that I could not divorce her without Livia's permission.
"Oh, no, of course not," he said. "I quite understand that, but it must be very unhappy for you without a wife."
"Thank you," I said, "I manage all right."
He pretended to find this a good joke and laughed loudly, calling me a very wise man, but afterwards said that if by any chance I found it possible to divorce my wife I was to come to him. He had just the woman for me in mind- well-born, young and intelligent. I thanked him but felt uncomfortable. As I was going away he said: "My friend Claudius, I have a word of advice to you. Back Scarlet tomorrow in every race and don't mind losing a bit of money at first; you'll not lose in the long run. And don't back Leek Green: it's an unlucky colour these days. And don't tell anyone that I gave you the tip." I felt much relieved that Sejanus thought me still worth cultivating, but I couldn't make sense of what he told me. However, at the chariot-race next day-it was the festival of Augustus- Tiberius saw me take my seat in the Circus and, being in an affable mood, sent for me and asked, "What are you doing these days, nephew?"
I stammered that I was writing a history of the ancient Etruscans, if it pleased him.
He said: "Oh, really? That does credit to your judgment There's no ancient Etruscan left to protest and no modem Etruscan who cares: so you can write as you please. What else are you doing?"
"Wr-r-riting a history of the ancient C-C-C-C-C-Carthaginians, if you please."
"Splendid! And what else? Hurry up with that stammer. 'I'm a busy man."
"At the m-m-moment I'm b-b-b-b—"
"Beginning a history of C-C-C-Cloud C-C-C-Cuckoo Land?"
"N-no, sir, b-b-b-backing Scarlet."
He looked at me very shrewdly and said: <a href="http://www.sunglassbranded.com/oakley-sunglasses-oakley-oil-rig-sunglasses-c-18_43.html">oakley oil rig sunglasses</a> "I see, nephew, that you are not altogether a fool. What makes you back Scarlet?"
I was in difficulties, because I couldn't say that Sejanus had given me the tip. So I said: "I dreamed that Leek Green was d-disqualified for using his whip on his c-c-ccompetitors and Scarlet c-c-came in first with Sea-b-b-blue and White nowhere."
He gave me a <a href="http://www.sunglassbranded.com/oakley-sunglasses-oakley-oil-rig-sunglasses-c-18_43.html">oakley oil rig sunglasses</a> purse of money and muttered in my ear:
"Tell nobody that I'm staking you, but put this on Scarlet and let's see what happens."
It proved to be Scarlet's day, and by betting with young Nero on every race I won close on two thousand gold pieces. That evening I thought it wise to visit Tiberius at the Palace and to say: "Here's the lucky purse, sir, with a family of little purses which it littered during the day."
"All mine?" he exclaimed. "Well, I am in luck. Scarlet the colour, eh?"
This was just like my uncle Tiberius. He hadn't made it clear who was to keep the winnings and I had supposed that I was. But if I had lost all the money he would have said something to make me feel in his debt to that amount. He might at least have given me a commission.
The next time I came up to Rome I found my mother in such a distracted state that I did not dare at first to utter a word in her presence for fear of her flying into a temper and boxing my ears. I gathered that her trouble was connected with Caligula, then aged twelve, and Drusilla, then aged thirteen, who were staying with her. Drusilla was confined to her room without food and Caligula was at liberty but looking thoroughly frightened. He visited me that evening and said: "Uncle Claudius. Beg your mother not to tell the Emperor. We were doing no wrong, I swear. It was just a game. You can't believe it of us. Say you can't."
When he explained what he did not want told to the Emperor, and swore by his father's honour that he and Drusilla were entirely innocent, I felt bound to do what I could for the children. I went to my mother and said:
"Caligula swears you are mistaken. He swears by his father's honour, and if there is the least possible doubt in your mind about his guilt you ought to respect that oath. For my part, I can't believe that a boy of twelve—"
"Caligula's a monster and Drusilla's a she-monster, and you're a blockhead, and I believe my eyes more than their oaths or your nonsense. I shall go to Tiberius the first thing to-morrow."
"But, Mother, if you tell the Emperor, it will not be only those two who will suffer. For once let's talk frankly, and be damned to informers! I may be a blockhead, but you know as well as I do that Tiberius suspects Agrippina of having poisoned Castor to get her elder boys made heirs to the monarchy, and that he lives in terror of a sudden rising in their favour. If you, as their grandmother, accuse these children of incest, do you suppose that he won't find a way of involving the elder members of the family in the charge?"
"You're a blockhead, I say, I can't bear the way your head twitches and your Adam's apple goes up and down." But I could see that I had made an impression on her, and decided that if I kept out of her sight for the rest of my visit to Rome, so that my presence was not a reminder to her of my advice, it was likely that Tiberius would hear nothing from her about the matter. I packed up a few things and went to my brother-in-law Plautius's house, to ask him to put me up. (By now Plautius was well advanced in his career and in four years would be Consul.) Supper was long over by the time I called and he was reading legal documents in his study. His wife had gone to bed, he said. I asked, "How is she? She looked rather worried when I saw her last."
He laughed. "Why, you rustic fellow, haven't you heard? I divorced Numantina a month ago or more. When I said *my wife' I meant my new one, Apronia, daughter of the man who gave Tacfarinas such a beating recently!"
I apologized and said that I supposed I ought to offer my congratulations. "But why did you divorce Numantina? I thought you two got on very well together."
"Not badly at all. But, to tell the truth, I've been in rather a fix lately with debts. I had bad luck some years ago as a junior magistrate. You know how much one is expected to spend out of one's own pockets on Games. Well, to begin with, I spent more than I could afford and had extremely bad luck besides, you may remember. Twice there was a mistake made in procedure halfway through the Games and I had to start all over again the next day. The first time it was my own fault: I used a form of prayer which had been altered by statute two years previously. The next time a trumpeter who was blowing a long can had not taken a deep enough breath: he broke off short and that was enough to end